The problem with a history of depression and anxiety is that you can never know if you’re “just having one of those weeks” or if you’re sliding back down into those places you swore you’d never go again.
Tomorrow is my 21st birthday, and obviously its going to be the best so far. I get to spend it with awesome co-workers, my loving family and friends, and best of all, the sweetest most amazing boyfriend I could ever ask for. I’m starting this year off having eliminated people from my life who clearly were not worth my time. I have the most awesome friends that continue to stand by my side and support me through everything. I’ve started doing a lot of recording, my art outreach has been taken to an all-time high, and I’ve had the chance to do some shit awesome photography for multiple bands. I work at the best place ever, and have finally gotten into a state job program that I have been working hard to get the past couple of years.
These first 21 years of my life I have already learned and experienced so much. I’ve learned that people will be nice to your face and pretend to be your ‘bestfriend’ for years because they literally have nobody else, and then when the first low-life comes around that says sweet nothings to them, they’ll turn around and let themselves be completely and utterly influenced and toss their ‘friends’ aside. So glad I’ve gotten rid of the excess baggage in my life. I’ve always been a true friend to each and every individual that I’ve shared my life with. I deserve nothing less than loyalty in return. You know who you are, and regardless of the fact that I gave you another chance when you very well know that you never deserved it, I completely take it back. I’m done with you, and I can honestly say a weight has been lifted. Please, take your 25 cents worth of a trailer park trash ‘fiance’ with his baggy pants and Walmart pool and stay the fuck out of my life.
On a brighter note, I’ve learned that good things really do come to those who wait. Jakob and I will be moving into our beautiful new apartment in just a matter of 2 months. Both of us will be going back to school this semester. I’ll be balancing a full-time school career along with nearly full-time day hours at Panera and full-time night hours out at Achieve. My car will be completely paid off in May and I’ll finally be able to turn it in for a new one. Also, I’m looking forward to going to see my favorite band E V E R in Rochester this March for a VIP meet & greet! Thanks to my girl Ashley<3
Also in March, we’ll be welcoming a new little addition into our family, Harlow Jaycen Smith. Can’t wait to meet you babygirl! I know you’re going to be just as beautiful as your mommy and little sister.
I just want to take a minute to thank my wonderful boyfriend for being everything I could have ever hoped for in a man. Thanks for always being my number one supporter, even when it seems like all my walls are crashing in on me. For always telling me that I’m beautiful, even on my worst days. For welcoming me into your family with open arms, and giving me the chance to experience huge new things including my first ride on an airplane, my first time out of the country and millions of other little things that I would have never been able to do if it weren’t for you. Our 2-year starter plan is just beginning and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Thank your for making me the happiest girl in the world. <3
In less than 24 hours I’m going to be starting my 21st year of life, and I’m happy to say that I am right where I’m supposed to be.